affirmation for today - I UNCONDITIONALLY ACCEPT ALL OF MYSELF
today's lesson was aimed at owning all of our parts and to take responsibility for the choices we make in life. that i can handle, however, denise then speaks of a 'shadow' self. for the most part she suggests that, if i encounter someone who is angry and nasty, it is supposed to mean that these are aspects of my 'shadow' self reflecting back to me....repressed anger and nastiness that i have locked away???? i'm not too sure i believe that. when i meet someone like that, i believe they have had a bad day or they have their own demons to deal with. okay, denise says if i am only observing this negative behaviour in someone else, then it's NOT a projection of my 'shadow' self. it's only when i judge someone that those traits would suggest a reflection of my shadow self. hmmmmmmm........so if i see someone doing something wrong and i speak out and tell them so, why should this mean that i have those same traits hidden away? maybe i'm missing something.
denise says that self-criticism is a part of the shadow self....that i do get. to me, the shadow self is basically the ego self that eckhart tolle speaks of. it constantly tries to control you and knock you down.....it's all about power. who needs enemies when you have your ego-self living inside your head day to day?
actually, i had an argument with my ego-self this morning when i thought i would try one of the tasks from yesterday. i've never owned a red t-shirt or any other piece of red clothing until just a couple of days ago when my son sorted through his clothes and was discarding a bright red t-shirt. it was new but.....it was red, a colour i have NEVER worn. it's just not me! i kept the red t-shirt with the intention of using it as a blending tool in the art studio or maybe even a mop up rag.
so....here i was, this morning, actually considering whether or not to wear the red t-shirt for the day as the task suggested you do something completely out of the norm for you.
my ego-self quickly responded with, "are you stark, raving mad, woman?! you KNOW there's a reason you have never worn red.....it's sooooooo NOT your colour and it will make you look downright ugly."
i replied with, "surely just one day couldn't hurt?"
my ego-self retorted, "well that all depends if you want to be seen as one of those, in your face, neon glow sticks shouting 'look at me....look at me'......or, better yet, a heavily decorated christmas tree."
"i'm going to do it."
ego self yelled, "you will look like a fool and you will feel like everyone is watching you.....don't say i didn't warn you."